“You look like a rapist.” These were the words from the kindly middle aged lady working in the eye glasses department at costco. I vehemently tried to explain to her that the vintage styles were coming back, that all of the cool kids were wearing these now, that all the boys would be wearing them in a year or so, that my grandfather was already wearing them, and that I was pretty sure that I saw The Jonas Brothers wearing them at the last concert of theirs I went to. All to no avail. She was still convinced that I looked like a sex offender.
A rapist? A rapist? Maybe what she was trying to say is that with these specks on, I stand such an overwhelmingly disproportionate advantage over the will power over any lady that I might approach, it should be illegal. Perhaps it already is in some parts of the world; I’m taking international law next year, I’ll let you know then. So, in conclusion, if you invented some sort of text-to-image antonym dictionary, typed the words “sex offender” into the search engine and hit enter, the above picture is what would show up as your definition. Because that is what I feel like in those glasses, whatever the antonym of a sex offender is. If a Barry White song and a Johnny Wadd film somehow had a baby, than me in those glasses would be the glorious resulting lovechild.
LOTD Playlist for 4/25:
Rocket Reducer No. 62 (Rama Lama Fa Fa Fa) – MC5
500 Channels – Choking Victim
Smiling – Operation Ivy
Let’s Lynch The Landlord – Dead Kennedys
Runaway – Del Shannon
Down In Mexico – The Coasters
Stagger Lee – Lloyd Price
Rise – Public Image LTD
Who? – The Brian Jonestown Massacre
Only Women Bleed – Alice Cooper
Love Vigilantes – New Order
Save It – The Cramps
Laugh, Laugh – The Beau Brummles
Pressure Drop – The Clash
Pig Latin – Imperial Teen
Trigger Cut / Wounded Kite at :17 – Pavement
Damaged Goods – Gang of Four
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