This is my Main Offender

“You look like a rapist.” These were the words from the kindly middle aged lady working in the eye glasses department at costco.  I vehemently tried to explain to her that the vintage styles were coming back, that all of the cool kids were wearing these now, that all the boys would be wearing them in a year or so, that my grandfather was already wearing them, and that I was pretty sure that I saw The Jonas Brothers wearing them at the last concert of theirs I went to. All to no avail. She was still convinced that I looked like a sex offender.

A rapist? A rapist? Maybe what she was trying to say is that with these specks on, I stand such an overwhelmingly disproportionate advantage over the will power over any lady that I might approach, it should be illegal. Perhaps it already is in some parts of the world; I’m taking international law next year, I’ll let you know then. So, in conclusion, if you invented some sort of text-to-image antonym dictionary, typed the words “sex offender” into the search engine and hit enter, the above picture is what would show up as your definition. Because that is what I feel like in those glasses, whatever the antonym of a sex offender is. If a Barry White song and a Johnny Wadd film somehow had a baby, than me in those glasses would be the glorious resulting lovechild.

LOTD Playlist for 4/25:

Rocket Reducer No. 62 (Rama Lama Fa Fa Fa) – MC5

500 Channels – Choking Victim

Smiling – Operation Ivy

Let’s Lynch The Landlord – Dead Kennedys

Runaway – Del Shannon

Down In Mexico – The Coasters

Stagger Lee – Lloyd Price

Rise – Public Image LTD

Who? – The Brian Jonestown Massacre

Only Women Bleed – Alice Cooper

Love Vigilantes – New Order

Save It – The Cramps

Laugh, Laugh – The Beau Brummles

Pressure Drop – The Clash

Pig Latin – Imperial Teen

Trigger Cut / Wounded Kite at :17 – Pavement

Damaged Goods – Gang of Four

Weekly Playlist

LOTD Playlist for 4/11:

Rawhide – The Dead Kennedys

Springtime – Theodore Treehouse

Common People – William Shatner

Six Pack – Black Flag

Pencil Riot – Stephen Malkmus

Start Choppin – Dinosaur Jr.

You Can’t Put Your Arms Around A Memory – Johnny Thunders

Do Re MI – Nirvana

Love Will Tear Us Apart – Joy Division

Plastic Passion – The Cure
Sucked Out - Superdrag

What’s The Ugliest Part of Your Body? – The Mothers of Invention

John The Fisherman – Primus

David Watts – The Jam

K Street – The Fastbacks

Government Center – The Modern Lovers

The Inter Net is on Personal Computers

I feel so proud of myself for now achieving one of my life long goals: becoming an active member of the blogosphere. It seems like just the other day I thought that computers were nothing more than strange little televisions that had letters and numbers attached for some reason that I am still having difficulty comprehending.  Now when the people refer to the “cyberjocks” and the “technologists” and the “intranauticals,” I will be the first thing that comes to the forefront of the collective conscious. I am a webslinger, and I am above your paygrade.

Here’s your damn playlist:

Left of the Dial 4/4:

Stop, I’m Already Dead – Deadboy and the Elephantmen

Mysteries- Yeah Yeah Yeah’s

Jamie – Weezer

Back in the Game – Jamie-T

Steady Rollin – Two Gallants

Soul Love – David Bowie

This Will Be Our Year – The Zombies

Here’s Your Future – The Thermals

Johnny Hit and Run Pauline – X

Dot Dash – Wire

Two Hands – Theodore Treehouse

Richard III – Supergrass

Tractor Rape Train – Guided By Voices

The Glory of Man – The Minutemen

Temptation – New Order

Never Young – Gogol Bordello

Girl, You Have No Faith In Medicine – The White Stripes

50ft Queenie – PJ Harvey

Awesome Inc.

So whilst setting up this page, I was allowed to choose from one of many generic templates to establish a graphical layout of my blog; all presumably chosen from a community college graphic design portfolio. Not to knock community college or anything, I love community college. I spent 8 years in one… I wish that were a joke.

Anyway, one of the templates was titled “Awesome Inc.” So my question to you: would there ever be a question as to which template I would choose? I think not. I wish that everything in life came with the label “Awesome Inc.”

Thank you, all 7 of you, who tuned into my debut show. To the 2 of you who took a chance on me and decided to not shut off your radio: I sincerely thank you. To the remaining 5 that I blackmailed: your own fault for having such a weakness for ladies of the night in places where one can so easily snap photos; however I feel like the punishment fits the crime. Don’t ask.

On Monday’s show, I played the songs that were also rejected titles for my show. If you want to create a pitch perfect reenactment of what the show sounded like, just insert some cringe worthy forced dialogue between these songs. Here’s the list:

Left of the Dial 3/28:

Wave of Mutilation – Pixies

Sound System – Operation Ivy

Junior Kickstart – The Go! Team

Hybrid Moments – The Misfits

Harmony in my Head – Buzzcocks

Pretty Vacant – The Sex Pistols

Complete Control – The Clash

Dance This Mess Around – The B-52’s

Gold Sounds – Pavement

Freak Scene – Dinosaur Jr.

Tentative Decisions – Talking Heads

Mongoloid – Devo

Satellite of Love - Lou Reed

Suburban Home – The Descendants

Radio, Radio – Elvis Costello and the Attractions

Left of the Dial – The Replacements